Self-Care Isn't Selfish (Even When It Feels That Way)

I want to tell you something about pretty watches, fun socks, and a really good cup of coffee.

I know. Not exactly what you'd expect in an article about self-care, is it?

But stick with me for a minute.

There came a point in my life when I looked around and realized everything felt a little... drab.

Not just my surroundings. Me.

I wasn't wearing makeup anymore. Most days, I didn't have the energy or the desire to bother. I wasn't buying myself anything pretty. I wasn't doing much of anything just because I enjoyed it.

And I started wondering, When did that happen?

I used to love pretty watches. Nothing expensive or fancy. Just fun, beautiful watches that caught my eye. I had several, and I enjoyed choosing which one to wear.

And socks! I loved buying fun socks. Colorful ones, silly ones, ones with little designs that made me smile.

Why?

I have absolutely no idea.

They just made me happy.

But somewhere along the way, I stopped buying them.

It wasn't because I couldn't afford them. I just didn't think about them anymore. I didn't have the desire.

And that bothered me when I finally realized it.

Because those little things were part of who I was. They weren't important in the grand scheme of life, but they brought me joy.

When had I stopped making room for joy?

When Taking Care of Yourself Feels Selfish

I've spent most of my life taking care of other people.

And when you're used to putting everyone else first, doing something just for yourself can feel downright uncomfortable.

I'd read articles about self-care that suggested spa days, girls' weekends, or taking a little vacation to recharge.

And I'd think, Well, isn't that nice.

For some women, those things are wonderful. But they weren't realistic for me. And I suspect they aren't for a lot of women.

Besides, I wasn't looking for a vacation.

I was trying to remember what it felt like to enjoy being me.

I didn't need someone to tell me to spend hundreds of dollars on myself. I needed to remember that it was perfectly okay to spend a few dollars, or even a few minutes, on something simply because it made me happy.

That was a much bigger change than you might think.

It Started With Coffee

I love coffee.

Not just any coffee. Give me a hot, rich, creamy mocha, preferably with plenty of dark chocolate, and I'm a happy woman.

There's something about wrapping my hands around that warm cup, taking that first sip, and just enjoying it.

For a few minutes, I'm not thinking about what needs to be done, what I should be doing, or what someone else needs.

I'm just enjoying my coffee.

And I can actually feel myself relax.

It sounds so simple, doesn't it?

But that was one of the first things I started doing for myself again. Not because I needed coffee. Not because it was productive or useful.

Just because I loved it.

And you know what? I still do.

I still treat myself to those wonderful mochas, and they still make me smile.

Then Came the Pedicures

Now, this one surprised even me.

I didn't grow up getting pedicures. That was something other women did. Rich women. Fancy women. Pretty women. Not me.

And frankly, I'm at an age where I don't bend quite like I used to!

I can still trim my toenails, but making them look pretty? That's another story.

So one day, I decided to get a pedicure. (It was one of the first small steps I wrote about in Feeling Lost in Life? I Get It.)

Oh my goodness.

The warm water, the soaking, the massage, the oils, having someone take care of my feet and make my toes look pretty.

I loved it!

And here's the part that really mattered.

When I walked out of that salon, I felt pretty.

Not because anyone else would notice my toes. Not because I had somewhere special to go.

I felt pretty because when I looked down at my cute little toes I KNEW they looked pretty and it made me smile.

They reminded me I was worth taking care of, too.

And now pedicures are on my list.

What Happened to the Things That Made You Smile?

I've been thinking about those watches and socks lately.

And I've wondered how many other women have done the same thing.

Because I think the best self-care ideas for women like us aren't spa days at all. They're the little things.

Maybe you used to love fresh flowers on the kitchen table. Or wearing a favorite perfume, even when you weren't going anywhere. Or, like my 84 year old mother, who adores pretty bras still to this day. She wears pretty, lacy, jewel encrusted, fancy, colorful bras. She’d be a little embarrassed that I shared this, and delighted that I thought it was worth sharing! She may look like a frail little old lady in her old lady sweater, but under it, vavoom!

But they make her smile. She feels pretty.

Maybe you loved sitting outside in the sunshine, taking pictures, baking something just because you wanted to, or wandering through a bookstore.

Maybe you used to wear bright colors, paint your nails, dance around the kitchen, or buy yourself a silly little something that served absolutely no purpose other than making you smile.

And somewhere along the way, you stopped.

Not necessarily because anything terrible happened.

Life just got busy. Responsibilities took over. Other people's needs came first.

You started to drown in the responsibility.

And those little pieces of you quietly slipped away.

Have you noticed they’re missing?

I hadn't.

Until one day, I did.

Let's Make a List

Not sure? Well, here’s something for you to try. Grab a piece of paper (writing is good for the brain 😊)

And write down 20 things that make you smile.

That's it.

Not 20 goals. Not 20 things you need to accomplish. Not another to-do list.

Twenty things that bring you a little happiness.

They don't have to be impressive. They don't have to cost money, although they can. There are no rules. And they certainly don't have to make sense to anyone else.

Remember, I liked buying fun socks!

Think about things you enjoy now, things you loved years ago, or things you've been meaning to try.

Maybe it's the smell of fresh coffee in the morning. Listening to music at top volume. A walk where you can hear the birds. Pretty earrings. Fresh sheets on your bed. Watching the sunrise. Getting your hair done. A good book that makes you forget about everything else for a while.

Whatever makes you smile.

And don't worry if you can't come up with 20 right away.

I understand that, too. No rules, remember? Just start thinking about the list. It’ll come.

Sometimes we've gone so long without thinking about what we enjoy that we honestly can't remember.

Keep the list somewhere handy. Add to it when something comes to mind.

You might be surprised by what you remember.

Now Pick One

Once you've started your list, I want you to do one more thing.

Choose something from it.

Just one.

And make time to enjoy it.

Maybe you'll stop and buy yourself a coffee. Maybe you'll dig out that old camera, put on your favorite earrings, or sit outside for ten minutes with absolutely nothing you need to accomplish.

Maybe you'll go buy yourself a pair of ridiculous socks.

And when you do, I hope you'll actually take a moment to enjoy it.

Don't rush through it while thinking about everything else you should be doing.

Let yourself smile.

Let yourself enjoy something simply because you like it.

And please, don't feel guilty about it.

Finding Your Way Back to You

I still have a lot of things I'm figuring out.

But one thing I've learned is that taking care of myself doesn't have to be complicated or expensive.

Sometimes it's a mocha.

Sometimes it's a pedicure.

And sometimes it's simply remembering that I used to love pretty watches and wondering if it's time to go find another one.

Ok, transparency moment. I have a box of about 45 watches sitting on a shelf. Why are they sitting there unused? Turns out I kill watch batteries very quickly. So, every one of them needs a new battery! Right now, they are pretty bracelets with numbers on them. It’s on my list to do though. Getting them working again is something that I know would make me smile, so it’s actually on my own list.

I'm not trying to become a different person. I'm rediscovering the parts of myself that got pushed aside, buried really, while I was busy living life and taking care of everyone else.

And I'm finding that those little things matter more than I realized.

So, what about you?

What's something that used to make you smile that you haven't thought about in years?

I'd love to hear it. Especially if it's something as wonderfully silly as my fun socks.

And if you make that list of 20 things, I hope you'll choose one and enjoy it this week.

Not because you've earned it by getting everything else done.

But simply because it's something that brings you joy.

And that's reason enough.

If you'd like to take it a step further, my self-care plan guide can help you make room for these little joys on a regular basis.

Tammey