Feeling Lost in Life? I Get It. Here's Where I Started

For the past four years, I've lived alone. Doesn't sound like much does it? It's the first time in my life that I'm responsible for just me.

That's a strange thing to say at 60 years old.

I've spent most of my life taking care of someone. I was the oldest child, the mama hen. First it was my siblings, then my mom, then my own four children. Just when I thought I would be able to start living and the last child could take care of himself, my husband went into kidney failure and I became his full time caregiver.

There was always someone needing something. Always something to do, a problem to solve, a responsibility to handle. And I was good at it. Being the person people could count on started to give me purpose.

Then life changed.

For the first time, I could make decisions based entirely on what I wanted or needed. I didn't have to consider anyone else, their schedule, needs or expectations.

You'd think that would feel wonderful, wouldn't you?

But here's what truly surprised me. After spending so many years knowing exactly what my role was, where I fit, what I thought I was supposed to do, I was no longer sure what to do. Was it freedom? It didn't feel like it was.

I hadn't lost my abilities, interests or dreams. They were still there. I'd spent so many years putting other things, and people, first that I found I needed time to figure out what actually mattered to me.

What Feeling Lost Really Looked Like for Me

From the outside, my life looked normal to everyone around me.

I went to work, came home, took care of my dogs. Life went on.

Something was missing. I could feel it, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

I’ve always been creative. Writing, crafting, dreaming up ideas, building something from nothing. Creativity wasn’t just a hobby. It was a part of who I was, and it had carried me through some pretty rough times.

But somewhere along the way, even that had disappeared.

I’d sit down to create something and nothing would come. I had supplies, ideas I’d saved (so many!), projects I’d once been excited about (my Pinterest board is still full of them!) But I couldn’t find the desire to do any of them.

And then there was the rejection.

I’d spent my whole life being devoted to the people I loved. Taking care of them, putting their needs first, being there when they needed me. That was simply what I did. What I thought I was supposed to do.

So finding myself feeling rejected, alone, dismissed… forgotten, was painful in a way I didn’t know how to process.

It wasn’t the quiet house that bothered me. I enjoyed my own space and not having to answer to anyone.

What hurt was trying to understand how I could give so much of myself and end up so alone. Somewhere in all of that, I’d lost myself.

I knew how to take care of people. I knew how to solve problems and get things done. But I wasn’t sure how to move forward when so much of my purpose, my life, was built around taking care of others.

When You’ve Always Been the One Taking Care of Everyone

When you’ve spent your whole life taking care of other people, you get pretty good at it.

You know how to recognize what someone needs, solve problems, make things happen, and keep going even when you’re too exhausted to move. They need you. So you do it. Eventually, it becomes so much a part of your life that you don’t give it much thought

But what happens when that changes?

I knew how to be a mother, a wife, a caregiver, employee and the person everyone counted on. But I wasn't quite sure who I was without all those responsibilities.

And here's something that surprised me. I'm a trained life coach. I've helped other people work through difficult transitions, ask themselves important questions, and figure out their next steps.

But knowing how to help someone else doesn't mean you automatically know how to help yourself.

Especially when you don't have the energy to even begin.

The Day I Found Out My Bucket Was Empty

At some point, I decided maybe getting back into something creative would help.

I've always loved journaling, and I had a friend who shared that passion. So we put together a small journaling workshop.

Five people. That's all.

And it was wonderful! Everyone enjoyed it, and they wanted us to do more.

Under normal circumstances, I would have been excited to plan the next one. I love teaching. I love sharing ideas and watching someone discover something they didn't know they could do.

But I couldn't.

That one little workshop left me exhausted for weeks.

I couldn't believe it. Five people!

There was a time when I taught scrapbooking online every single week to a community of more than 1,500 people. I created lessons, planned projects, answered questions, and loved every minute of it.

And now a workshop with five people had completely drained me.

That was when I began to understand just how empty my bucket had become.

I'd spent so many years giving to other people that even when I tried to reconnect with something I loved, my instinct was to give some more.

I wanted to share, teach, encourage, and help. Those are things I genuinely enjoy.

But I had nothing left to draw from.

And that was something I needed to pay attention to.

How I Started Filling My Bucket Back Up

I didn't have some wonderful breakthrough where everything suddenly made sense. I started making small changes. Not on purpose. Not even by choice. It just happened.

Some helped more than others. Some took time. And I'm still learning.

1. Making Time for Me (Even When It Felt Silly)

For most of my life, doing something just for myself felt selfish. Sometimes even wasteful.

I'd read articles about self-care suggesting spa days with girlfriends or weekend getaways and think, Well, that's nice for someone who can actually do those things.

That wasn't my life.

So I did something I'd never done before. I booked a pedicure.

Nothing fancy. Just an appointment so my toes would look pretty. It felt silly at first. I could do it myself. But, let’s be honest, I couldn’t trim and paint my nails even half as nice! And I wanted something pretty.

And I enjoyed it!

2. Taking One Day at a Time

I had to stop trying to figure out what the rest of my life was supposed to look like.

I didn't know. And the harder I tried to figure it out, the more frustrated I became.

So I started focusing on today.

I gave myself a few simple things to do each day. Nothing overwhelming. Just enough to give my days some structure and a sense of accomplishment.

Even having one standing appointment every Wednesday at 2:00 gave me something consistent to look forward to.

It wasn't about filling every minute. It was about finding a rhythm that worked for me.

3. Learning to Be Still

My mind could be going a hundred miles an hour even when the house was perfectly peaceful and I looked calm and still.

I began learning about meditation and sound therapy. I discovered that taking a little time to settle my thoughts helped me become more aware of what was going on inside me.

It didn't happen overnight, and I'm certainly no expert. But those quiet moments became something I looked forward to.

I'll be sharing more about meditation and sound therapy because they've become meaningful parts of my life.

4. Finding My Inner Voice Again

This was one of the biggest changes for me.

All my life, I'd had a strong sense of intuition. That little voice inside that helped me recognize when something was right, when something wasn't, or when I needed to pay attention.

Somewhere along the way, I'd stopped hearing it.

What surprised me was that I hadn't even noticed it disappearing. I couldn't tell you when it happened.

I just knew that I no longer trusted myself the way I once had.

I began paying attention again. Praying. Listening. Making room for my faith and that quiet inner knowing that had guided me through so much of my life.

And slowly, I started recognizing it again.

I'm still working on this. But I'm learning to trust myself again, and that has made an enormous difference.

5. Listening to My Body

Along with rediscovering my inner voice, I began paying closer attention to my body.

I started learning more about food, particularly the difference between real, whole foods and the heavily processed things that were easy to grab, take home and consume.

But more importantly, I started noticing how I felt.

Instead of automatically doing what I'd always done, I began asking myself whether something actually felt right for me.

Sometimes that meant choosing different foods. Sometimes it meant recognizing that I was tired and needed to rest. And knowing it was ok to say no. To stay home. To not go.

I'm not interested in telling anyone what they should eat or how they should live.

For me, this was another way of learning to listen to myself instead of ignoring what I needed.

6. Doing Something Creative Just for Me

I started allowing things back into my life that I enjoyed. I could take a photograph because something caught my eye.

I could work on a creative project without needing to finish it, share it, or make something useful out of it.

That was a change for me.

And little by little, I've started finding my way back to the creativity I thought I'd lost.

If You're Feeling Lost Right Now

I wish I could tell you there was one thing that changed everything for me.

There wasn't.

And I certainly didn't wake up one morning with a completely new outlook on life.

What I discovered was that I'd spent so much time trying to figure out what I was supposed to do next that I hadn't considered whether I had anything left to give myself.

I needed to start there.

I wonder how many of us have spent so much of our lives doing what needed to be done that we've forgotten what we actually enjoy doing.

I know I had.

And when I first started thinking about doing things just for me, I didn't even know where to begin. Isn't that something? After all those years of making decisions, solving problems, and taking care of everyone else, I struggled to answer one simple question.

What do I want?

That little pedicure might not sound like much, but it was a start.

And maybe that's all we need sometimes. A place to start. Something small that reminds us there's still a whole person in there with interests, dreams, and things she enjoys.

Whatever it is, let it be something you do because you want to, not because someone needs you to or told you to. Not because an article said you should.

If you're looking for a place to begin, I've also put together a self-care plan guide, and I've written about the benefits of having people who encourage and support you.

I'm Still Building It

For years, I believed that before I could help someone with something, I needed to have already figured it out myself.

But if I waited until I had everything figured out, I might never share any of this.

I'm 60 years old. I've lived a lot of life. I've raised children, cared for people I loved, worked through difficult circumstances, and started over more than once.

I have experience, knowledge, skills, and plenty of stories.

And I'm still learning.

I'm still discovering what I want this chapter of my life to look like. Some days I make wonderful progress. Other days, not so much.

But I'm moving forward.

That's what Inspiration to Unstuck is about for me. Not becoming a different person or pretending the past didn't happen.

It's about taking everything I've experienced, everything I've learned, and everything I still have to offer, and finding ways to build a meaningful life from right where I am.

I'd love to hear where you are in your own journey. You can join the conversation in our Facebook group or reach out to me.

We're all figuring things out as we go.

Tammey